The Village, a group on Facebook is 51 000 strong have partnered with our wonderful Nicki!
Here is a question from one of the villagers.

” 49 year old female married to a 53 year old man (he would have sex 3x or more daily while I feel I could do without – been this way since we met 23 years ago)
Why does taking care of my needs privately without my partner present get me more aroused and faster to full “happy ending” than if I do so as part of foreplay with my partner present?

Why do I find more enjoyment in private than in intimacy with my husband?”

From Nicki: “ What may appear to be a discrepancy in desire may actually be the difference between what it takes for you to be able to tune in and turn on, compared to your partner. While your husband can take off immediately, you need a longer runway to get going. So how can you build that runway so that both of you end up happy and satisfied?

It appears to me that you know what turns you on and in the mood when you are alone, so how can you incorporate those things into your relationship WITH your husband. It is natural to be able to achieve a successful result more quickly and efficiently when one is taking on the task yourself, but the trick is to ensure that you can communicate to achieve the same result together! Engage your brain, get lost in a fantasy, role play, watch or listen to something HOT together! Take all the time needed to get you properly “on your way.” Give yourself permission to take care of your own needs as well as your partner’s. Focus only on pleasure as the goal. You may be amazed at how enjoyable it can be. And how much your partner enjoys you trusting them and fully including them”