The Village, a group on Facebook is 51 000 strong. They partnered with our wonderful Nicki!
Here is the latest question: “ I have never had an orgasm. HELP!”
Got a question you can’t ask anyone else?
A?K NICKI!
Have you got a question you want to ask … but haven’t got the right person to ask?
You have her now!
The Village has partnered with the wonderful Intimate Relationship Coach, Nicki Lyons Brivik (or A?k NIcki,)
Nicki is our kind, non-judgmental, helpful and insightful Village expert on all things bedroom and beyond.
NIcki is available to answer questions, (just pop them in questions below, or DM me and I will pass on) and ALSO we will be publishing her Best of the FAQs regularly here, on The Village.
No shame, no judgment, only pleasure and connection!
You can also follow and contact Nicki directly via Insta at ask.nicki and FB asknicki. Or email her to arrange a private session: nicki@ask.nicki.co.za
Q: “ I am single and over 50. I am too embarrassed about my body to consider getting intimate with a new partner. How do I enjoy what my ageing, unattractive body can do with a new partner?”
A: Being older can be a real gift because, if we allow it, we can finally let go of what we should look like and embrace what our bodies can do for us. Namely give us an immense amount of pleasure! We all all need to realize that we are the youngest and healthiest version of ourselves that we will ever be, right now! So PLEASE, do not squander the opportunity to receive the pleasure you deserve. Let go of the unnecessary shame and do something that makes you feel good every single day. If you are intimate with a new partner, I can guarantee you they are not focussing on how your body is ageing but rather on what they are doing and feeling in the moment. Just as you should be.
Q: “ I don’t think I have ever had an orgasm. Any tips? I have tried with a vibrator. And porn. But neither have worked.”
A: It’s time to re-introduce yourself to your clitoris. The clitoris is not only that little bulb at the top of the vulva. It has legs that extend into the labia and lips. With its density of nerve endings packed into such a small area it is particularly sensitive but generally needs to be warmed up to direct pressure. You want to edge towards orgasm. So tease it, tap it, use a circular motion, rub the bulb from side to side. You need to take the time to get to know your clitoris and the type of pressure it likes. It is important not to focus on the outcome but rather focus on being present and feeling into the different sensations that feel good to you. If you do this, your orgasm will find you.
Q: “ I have really weird fantasies, is this normal?”
A: Science has shown us that most fantasies are in all likelihood perfectly normal and healthy. We need to let go of shame and anxiety about them, so that we can express our sexual desires and thereby achieve greater sexual fulfilment and develop more emotional intimacy. So long as you are not hurting anyone, what is the harm?! However, anyone having fantasies that disturb them would almost certainly benefit from seeing a therapist. Pleasure and the absence of restricting factors (shame, guilt, judgment,) is hugely important with regard to satisfying sex. If fantasies are causing any negative emotions, then it might help to understand what lies beneath them with the aim of making your peace, so that you can move forward to a more pleasurable, less conflicted experience..
Q: “ I’m bored with my life. It is drudgery and tedium and anxiety and stress. How do I create romance between myth partner and myself when we are struggling to get by?
A: Sex is one of the most positive and life affirming things we can do for ourselves. It can enrich our lives enormously. In the face of drudgery and tedium, great sex can (and DOES) add excitement, pleasure, adventure and confidence into our lives. It can infuse these characteristics into everything. When you feel like you are a sexual being there is a feeling of confidence and power that comes to you., Not to mention the endorphins that get released (And guess what? These help to alleviate stress and tension!). So carve out the time needed to allow pleasure back into your life, take the first step and then follow your mind and bodies response to the pleasure. You will be amply rewarded.
Q: “ I was abused as a child and have never liked sex. What do I do to overcome this? “
A: It is essential that you work through the trauma of abuse with a qualified therapist first. Once you have done this, a sex coach can help give insights into how to improve your sex life and discover your sexual voice.
You can also follow and contact Nicki directly via Insta at ask.nicki and FB asknicki. Or email her to arrange a private session: nicki@ask.nicki.co.za