The Village, a group on Facebook is 51 000 strong. They partnered with our wonderful Nicki!

So we know that 51 000 of us come to The Village to ask questions we can’t ask our friends, or family.
No more so than questions about our intimate relationships.
That’s why we have partnered with the wonderful Intimate Relationship Coach, Nicki Lyons Brivik or A?k NIcki, who is our kind, non-judgmental and incredibly helpful and insightful Village expert on all things bedroom (and anywhere else that takes your fancy!) expert .
She is available to answer questions, (just pop them in questions below, or DM me and I will pass on) and ALSO we will be publishing her Best of the FAQs regularly here, on The Village.
No shame, no judgment, only pleasure and connection!
You can also follow and contact Nicki directly via Insta at ask.nicki and FB asknicki. Or email her to arrange a private session:
Question 1: “What is a session with an intimate coach like? What should I expect?”
When you want to optimize one’s performance in sport, one hires a sports coach. To improve your business , you might may hire an executive coach. If one wanted to lose weight one would go to a dietician. People are comfortable in seeking help in all areas but for some reason there is fear and shame around engaging a sex coach. Like any coaching, this version is a bit like therapy, although the focus is forward looking and it is fast paced and goal orientated. Together we work out where you are right now, sexually and where you want to be and together we work towards getting you there. I usually give homework so that you can assimilate insights or try out certain techniques. There is no physical contact between the coach and the client. If you come see me with your partner , we work out a goal together and together we work towards getting to that goal, whether it is overcoming an erotic barrier or just enhancing an already physical connection!
Question 2: “I am really struggling with how to engage (or not!) with my teenager, who is sexually active.I am uncomfortable with my kid and their partner being intimate under my roof and behind closed doors. What does parent do about their teens and this prickly subject these days??”
It is important to remember that the “sex talk” we have with our children should not be one discussion but a series of ongoing discussions so that there is always an open line of communication. We need to move away from the secrecy and shame that shrouds something natural, resulting in a lack of open and honest conversations and a perpetuation of false facts and ignorance. We need to teach our children to love their bodies and trust their judgement regarding same. Make sure that your children know that you are there for them, but that they are also entitled to their privacy. Having said that, your house, your rules and if you are uncomfortable with your teenager being intimate with a partner under your roof then you need to have a discussion with them about it. Communication is key.
Question 3: “I am bored with my partner. Our physical stuff is always the same. How do I change things up a bit without offending him/her?”
This is a very common issue and is in fact probably the biggest reason people in long term relationships come to see me. We might need to reignite passion by tapping into our inner cavemen and women and allow the basest form of ourselves to be unleashed. To do this, we need to take more time to get each other aroused: At the beginning of a relationship our desire can be sparked by anything but as we settle into the comfort of a long-term relationship we need to take more time to build arousal. We need to learn to generate arousal through different kinds of touch (toys are amazing) and also learn to engage our brain, in a way that we can have the kind of experience we WANT to be having, rather than the same old same old, we often are having
Question 4: “I caught my partner watching porn. I feel repulsed by this. I know its normal but I don’t understand why they would do it?”
In my experience, the problem with porn in a relationship is not the porn itself, but rather the lack of conversation around the desire for it, and what it means to each partner. Partners can differ in their openness and interest, but it is essential to talk, collaborate and respect each other’s position. When use is out in the open, ethical versions can be used to stimulate arousal, ease libido imbalances and foster creativity in the bedroom and beyond,. So talk to your partner. You never know where this may lead.
Question 5:
“While I love them I do not enjoy intimacy with my partner. How do I get him / her to do things differently?”
It is natural not to want any experience that is not enjoyable. In order to make the shift from bad to physical relations that are worth having you need to learn to communicate with your partner. Communication is the bedrock to making your bed rock! It is foundational to any good physical connection, as the expectation that our partner should simply intuit what we want sets us up for frustration and massive disappointment. Communication around this subject is best when it is really specific. Do it by telling, or initiating or by literally showing and pointing. Moaning and sighing are also excellent ways of showing your partner what turns you on. In addition, mutual masturbation can be the ultimate teaching moment and it is also HOT.