‘I didn’t feel sexy or wanted to be touched’ – The Ndlovus get candid about intimacy after childbirth – A True Love article.

Read more about Nicki here

There’s no topic off limits. They understand that their fans and followers often go through the same things, silently.

So they make it a point to be open about their ups and downs on their popular YouTube channel, the Ndlovu’s Uncut.

Mzansi’s young and favourite couple, Stephanie and Hungani Ndlovu got heart emojis sent their way after they posted snaps of their pregnancy photoshoot on social media in July 2022.

While their dreams of being parents were manifested few months later, they also had to make compromises and adapt to the transition.

The couple recently got candid about the difficulties of being intimate after the birth to their daughter.

“After having a baby, a lot changes right? And one of the things that definitely changes for every couple, even though we’re all different, is intimacy,” says Stephanie.

The former Scandal! actress says even though she experienced physical changes after giving birth, her biggest challenge was hormonal regulation.

“After having a baby I didn’t feel like sexy and I didn’t feel like I wanted to be touched or for you (Hungani) to even give me attention. I was just like ‘oh my gosh I just had a c-section what is happening? My nipples are on fire everything just feels like my insides have been taken outside and then put back in’ and I still need to be present because there is a baby,” she shares on the video.

She adds that the first three months were demanding.

“I didn’t feel like myself and now we have to be close, intimate and together I was like where? In what capacity? With what part of me?”

Hungani also had his share. He says he felt the need to be more present for his wife because she was going through the postpartum period.

“It put me in a place where I was trying to assist in you (Stephanie) finding yourself, feeling better about yourself etc. For me the biggest thing was trying to help but not knowing how to really help because it is such a sensitive thing, it is very now and very relevant and not to like, keep poking, because I was not sure if it is something you want to talk about,” he says.

Communication and patience are key, the couple highlights. Stephanie says they had to sit down and try to digest their way of maneuvering around.

“The beautiful thing about this journey is that you are learning how to be intimate again because you can find compliancy and places of comfort and no longer strive for intimacy,” Hungani shares.

Speaking to TRUELOVE, Cape Town-based sex therapist Nicki Brivik says this is all normal. She talks to us about why couples find it difficult to get intimate after having their bundle of joy.

Nicki says doctors say it usually takes about six weeks for a couple to be back into their full swing and says hormones and adapting to change are some of the reasons why a woman lacks the desire to be intimate.

“If she is breastfeeding, especially, hormones can reduce the libido and also having a new member of the family comes with so many changes because the focus is now on the baby than the two of them, especially if it is their first child. So, they tend to forget to prioritise each other, which later result in problems of being intimate,” Nicki explains.

Going on a date night for instance can help revive the mood, she advises.

“For me that is essential, it doesn’t mean you have to go out because it is difficult to do so with a newborn around. So, it’s important to have a date night because it allows you to reconnect with each other, find out how each other is feeling and remember that you are adults and have conversations that aren’t focused on the child. So, simple things like going for a walk if you can, making supper etc.

“What I like about date night, is that it gives you the time to be ready for intimacy because you know when the date night is going to happen. It gives you the time to kind of get yourself aroused before you even get into it. It’s like an oven, so the woman will be able to remember how it feels like to be a woman instead of a mom, and the husband will feel like ‘my wife’s back’.”

She adds that using sexual enhancers won’t necessarily meditate the situation because they are used for erections and not libido.

“It won’t work especially for women because at that stage she needs to work on what turns her on, you know things like a hype text from her husband ‘I can’t wait to see you tonight’ or a sexy message, a slap on the bum or you look gorgeous, etc. that can be arousing for a woman as opposed to feeling like a sexual being.”

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